dear bad attitude.

okay, listen. i hate to break it to you, but ya gotta go.
i'm kickin' ya to the curb.
if i don't, this guy's actually about 3 seconds away from doing it himself...

i can be associated with you no longer.
i've run out of excuses about how you're really not that bad and how i can turn you around, but i'm drained. i simply cannot stick up for you and your attempts to take over my life.
i cannot say that i haven't tried to show it's not really your fault that i'm such a crabby, irritated, fun-sucking, looney.
nope. i've justified you for soo long...hormones, children, other stupid people, not knowing what i want to be when i grow up, hormones, money, chaotic schedules, vending machines not have diet coke, hormones, that dog, indecisiveness, not being able to find my favorite shoes anywhere anymore, texas summers, no candy in the house, hormones combined with this out of control heat and humidity and inability to not stop sweating, my kids growing up way too fast and i can't do anything to stop it, and on and on and on.
i think i'm ready for my old friend, miss easy-going-remembers-how-to-laugh-doesn't-say-no-ALL-of-the-time-wouldn't-kill-you-to-take-a-risk-every-once-in-a-while-thinks-about-others-more-than-herself--spunky-cheery-actually-participates-in-the-occasional-physical-activity, to come back and be my bestie.
in order to please not isolate ALL the people i love in my life, i must bid you farewell.
i'd like to say it's been fun, but who are we kidding?! :)
i have no doubt you will soon find a new best friend, in fact, i swear i saw you flirting with her the other day :)

sayonara.
-sanford

dear dyson.

have i ever told you how much i love you? you are one of my best friends!
you and me...we make the best team EvER.
we're like super heroes!!
we work hard to defeat the evil dog hairs and legos and dry cleaning tag thingys and wrappers and baseball dirt and scissor scrap-majiggers and spiders and so much more!
PLeASE  don't fail me now!
i know, it was really silly to try and teach the kids about that responsibility thing and chores-schmores.
i knew i should never let them touch you...
i'm sorry i failed you.
you've always amazed me with your sucky power! but no one could have imagined you'd attempt this...
how in the world did you consume a big, fat, purple crayola marker? how you were able to maneuver it through your angry brushes on past the holy macaroni? that i will never know.
i guess it's completely understandable that you decided that you could take no more.
if i promise to make some changes, would you rethink your will to serve this household?
i can't imagine the days of fighting crime with someone else? no more magic-sucky-power-wand?!
i can't bare the thought.
i will try not to crash you really hard into things on purpose when i lose my temper because there's so much crap all over the floors that everyone besides me thinks is invisible.
i promise i won't yank the cord as hard as i can out of the socket when i've gone too far and am on a dog-hair-ocd-sucking-roll only to find i've run out of cord.
i promise i will try to lay off the legos and monopoly pieces and marbles and dental floss picker sticks that the dentist should be arrested for handing them out to little boys...really?! he thinks they'll use them only in the bathroom and for their teeth? bah-hahahaha :)

have i ever told you how much i love you?

xo,
sanford