umm, sooo...don't take this the wrong way, mister {always a great way to start a conversation, right?},
but....{enter long pause}
umm, so is THIS {sweeps his hands pointing around the room} what the inside of your brain looks like?
oh, silly fat five...how long have we been together? and you are just asking this now? i feel like you've been living like lloyd christmas all these years thinking, "so you're saying there's a chance!" that's so cute that you continue to hold onto hope that i'll suddenly be tidy and orderly.😊
i hope this little video helps give you a tiny bit of the insight that you were looking for because this is just a teensy, weensy sliver of the bedlam that takes place 24/7 in this noggin of mine.
twenty-four/seven. no joke🤦♀️😋
*warning: type a people need to watch while sitting down and probably with an adult beverage nearby.
also, i would like to dedicate this video to any and all people {you know who you are} that have ever helped me clean/organize my room, desk, apartment, kitchen or whatever so i could go out and avoid grounding in high school or just to save your own sanity so as not to have to look at my brain chaos anymore.😘
for the first time in FOREVER, you decided to be 'creative'/start a project/change things around.
wuh-what??!!
i was kinda starting to feel like you've forgotten who you are...
you makes messes. lots of them. piles.
so frustrating and wonderful at the same time.
{mister, i am talking to myself (shocking!) so, you may not comment!}
you have really big, grand, weird ideas and talk about them a lot.
you used to find a way to follow through on them.
you procrastinate. that's when you do your best work.
you also think waaayyyy too much about things which is why procrastinating works in your favor...you don't have to re-do anything if you wait until the last minute! ;)
but for the last year or so, you are pretty much just here.
blah. life. busy. blah. existing. sigh.
i have no dramatic, deep, inspiring, wise things to say or ponder.
but instead, in the pettiest of manors, i am hereby holding you accountable to make some new messes, hoard some homeless objects, and basically create something to procrastinate about!
may i remind you that his parents are very young, although they may lack several spots of hair and have the combined energy level of a 100 year old turtle. really??!!!
they are way too young and remember far too much from their own youths.
hmmm.
for i have heard karma is a bitch.
if that was what i believed, i'd have moved us to a dooms day bunker long ago ;)
i just can't believe this guy is going to be off and out of here in a quick bat of an eye.
i haven't had all my best times with him! so, i guess i shall look to what his future holds.
he's kinda smart and kinda witty. he gets it.
and it's been so fun to just recently really enjoy that with him.
to my little lolo,
whatever you want is yours! you pave your way.
although you might live in a barn due to your eating habits ;), you can have anything you set your mind to ahead of you.
i just ask that you refrain from ending any of your thoughts with the standard, dad-taught, "your mom."
by the time this will apply, your mom will be mental toast, yearning to be on a beach somewhere to shell and jellyfish 24/7 drowning her tears from your leaving in a pensacola wave.
your faith in yourself and your faith in God will lead you to your most amazing adventures!
in the famous words of sandra boynton, "moo, baa, la la la"
Apparently, this is what happens when you are not watching.... (this was found in the form of a slideshow in my e-mail to be printed for 'advertising purposes')
darn it. i was ready ship them to boarding school, but i guess there's a closer option to home :)
never in a million years, way back when we were in jr. high and high school and you took me with your mom and peepsy to church did i ever in my wildest dreams realize what that meant...
home.
never in those far away moments did i foreshadow the place where i would get married.
or when we were there did i realize my babies would be baptized there.
it's where i remember going to midnight service with 'eric's' family and friends....my family and friends.
the place that my kids grew up high-5-ing father jay as the went up for communion.
our home on sunday mornings for many years teaching sunday school and making new friends, little and tall.
the place where we made our own new family traditions like:
sunrise service on easter, rain or shine or strep throat or freezing temperatures....
there's nothing like it!
&
making our new family spot in the back row of church with the wiggly knuckleheads.
{i prefer to think of it as if we were sitting in the back of the bus. that's the best seat, right? ;) }
the place where
fisch was baby jesus, fred and i were mary and joseph and the boys were
shepherds for epiphany one year and on the way there one of the
shepherds proceeded to upchuck all over himself in the car, yet ever so
conveniently in front of walmart where we proceeded to change the
shepherd just in time for his appearance and make a quick getaway.
{one of the many instances where the back row comes in handy, i might add}
okay, i'm starting to ramble, but you get the picture, right?
and randomly {or, actually, probably not} it's the place that i now also call work.
can i just say that there's no other place where you can work sometimes crazy, odd hours and feel like you're not holding it or anything at all together well, but when you take just a moment to stop and treasure who's home you are truly in...
it's amazing
thank you for introducing me to my heart & my future...
i'm thinking you had some help from higher above :)
thank you for making a faulty product and finding every loophole not to make the inexpensive and easy fix yourself.
thank you for making me so unbelievably irritated that it would cost more to fix this few years old, 40 inch hunka rather than buy a new one.
too bad for you that i really, really, really missed my right before bed tv zone out time and was determined to fix this thing myself.
gasp.
did i really just do that?
you bet your sweet self i did!
then, off to my handy dandy work bench i went.
oh, mr. soldering iron, how i've missed you so :)
fast forward about 30 minutes later (well, minus the unexpected added 20 minutes needed to go to radio shack to get new, new capacitors due to some big furry animal that decided they looked like a good snack. nice.)
and, here ladies and gentlemen, is a very happy me. zoning.
ahhhhh.
i'd like to say thank you to my fellow you tubers and radio shack for your help.
(anyone reading this that doesn't have a clue as to my fear,
complete pigeon video and pics will be posted though out.
ps you may need a hearing aid after viewing. apologies.)
apparently, i am deathly afraid of your type.
your beady eyes and their powerful stare,
you following me everywhere i go,
your evesdropping, you being in my house,
you turning my toilet into your backyard.
but...over the past few days
and, really, the past few weeks
my fondness of you feathered creatures has grown. (ever.so.slightly)
however! this is by NO MEANS an invitation
to come in again and hangout while we watch man vs food our something.
if that were to occur again, you will then, my friend, become the food.
just sayin.
to explain my change of heart or my new found courage,
i believe this sweet text from a very dear friend this morning explains how it best...
anne:
As much as you hate that bird. .......superstition says often a loved one that has
passed comes to visit in the form of a bird. Either as a farewell or a
comfort. A smile so to speak. Often they will linger in the house for a while before
leaving with ease.
me:
tears and laughter!
i am totally with you and believe it too...just so happens jack's first words after
we realized he wasn't leaving saturday was, "hey, mom, i think he's papa frank." and
smiled.
sweet boy!
anne:
embrace the bird!
we love you, frank
(and thank you, anne! xoxo)
here is:
the tale of my pigeon
on a lovely saturday afternoon, while relaxing with friends,
a lone pigeon made himself known.
realizing that this feathered creature did not seem to want to leave,
we made a few gentle efforts to help push him on his way.
after MANY attempts hurling sunglasses, bread, baseballs, nerf darts,
frisbees, and dive sticks, it occurred to us that this pigeon may be hurt.
awwwwweee. poor little guy.
no harm in letting him be for the evening.
he may need the night to rest and be on his merry way.
(or if like jack stated that evening, if it was papa frank,
surely he had seen us, said hello and could see that we were all doing okay.)
it's now sunday morning.
he's gone, right?
sure he's not.
the days to follow were filled with as much bird drama, comedy
and action, but mostly bird poop, than one can take.
although we wished him to flee, we had now lovingly come to know him as 'major medical'.
major, you have bonded our family in ways i never knew possible.
but... if you feel you must go now.
please, shoo.
we will figure out how to deal with our broken hearts after you are gone.
in fact, i plan to invite my friends; clorex, power-washer and very-large-keg
over as soon as you leave to help heal our broken hearts.
xo, my sweet stalker.
-sanford
here are a few memories of our time together
that we shall never forget.....
you can run, but you can not hide.
shoo!
umm, yeah. sure there's some food for you right here in this nice little net. come on in, sir.
alright! time for the big guns (or brooms)! mama kat's makin her move.....s-l-o-w-l-y.
you have succeeded in helping me completely lose all normal functions such as thinking for myself, thinking about others and accomplishing any goals (unless reading about accomplishing goals was a goal).
the time has come to wean myself back to humanity and doing things like having actual conversations with people, not know or care that j.lo's getting divorced, not look at things that i'd love to do to my imaginary house one day, and not have my kids ask me if i'm looking at facebook.
ugh. low point.
for i shall miss you.
but, you see, in approximately sixteen days i will be heading here
with these people.
we will:
trek across many a stinky states; pee numerous times; fight over who-sits-where and why-can't-you-stop-kicking-my-chair?!; hear "i'm hungry!" seventeen hundred times along with 'when are we going to be there?''; eat insane amounts of circus peanuts; find our 'vacation song'; try and fail (as usual) to get pictures of the welcome to the state of ___ signs... all to get to our destination.
and i bet we won't miss our usual two buck pit-stop here.
shortly upon arrival, the unpacking begins...
his
hers
(as long as the drawer shuts, right?)
see.
i haven't needed you yet to do any of those things.
i am determined to free myself from the super glue that seems to have you eternally hooked to my hand and the mush you are turning my brain into.
i need you to check the time and use for an alarm clock.umm, no. that's the lovely thing about my friend, the beach. all i need is time to spend with my family. not to be anywhere else or with anyone else or to do anything else.
i need you to take the thousand billion pictures i take wherever and whenever i am anywhere. well, what do you know, i own this thing called a camera. huh.
i need to text just one more little thing...i'll just stop there. b/c i text like i talk and i ramble....about nothing to anyone who will listen (sorry, you all know who you are). thank you to the seashells and the jellies who will i hunt (and talk to) incessantly to fill this need..."i'm just gonna find one more."
i need to waste more energy on reading up on the world news around us. stupid politicians, violence, idiot celebrities (although i totally spy on them), a bankrupt country, it's going to be freaking hot today and for then next month...DEPRESSING.
i'm pretty sure i will be able to enjoy the news that:
a) my kids are having fun, probably doing this
2) mister will be able to let go and finally be able to some of this
c) that we will be so blessed to be in the presence of simple nature and beauty and stillness like this
so, my dear friends, connected-electronics, i hope you will enjoy your beak as much as i will be enjoying mine.
when we meet again, let's dine over diet coke water and zingers yogurt (okay, maybe i'll just stick with ridding one addiction at a time) to discuss the new and improved terms of our relationship.
until then...
xo, sanford
ps. i totally blame you for this completely obnoxious writer's block i've had!
